R- E - S - P - E - C - T

Respect – An age old term parents and educators beg of children with exhaustive repetition. If only children were respectful, we probably wouldn't need rules. If children were respectful, they would walk in the hallways, be considerate of one another, keep their hands to themselves, listen when spoken to. In fact, if kids were respectful, every decision they make would be in consideration of their peers, adults and environment.

So, how do we get children to just be respectful? Let’s first consider the hours in a day trying to get children to behave the way we expect them to. It often involves bribery, arguments, debates, threats, negotiations and punishments. By doing this, are we, in fact, teaching children how to be respectful? Or are we simply controlling their behaviour and actions? Is a child respectful when they do something nice for someone to avoid punishment? The simplest and most effective way to teach respect is to be respectful. All too often, the very behavior we expect our children not to engage in is the behavior we use to control them. Yelling at a child is only effective if we expect our children to do the same. 

Consider your relationship with a police officer. If an officer stops you for rolling through a stop sign at a snail’s pace and then berates you for the infraction, how would you feel toward the officer? Would you feel respected? Would you feel you deserved to be berated? Now, imagine this happened on a regular basis. Imagine the frustration and sense of hopelessness you would feel in the presence of the very people you thought were there to help and protect you. Now, imagine you are to the kids what the officer is to you.

My grade 9 teacher epitomized what it means to teach respect. He was the only teacher who did not require students to ask permission to go to the washroom. Sounds crazy? Not only did we not require permission, we did not take advantage of his lenient class management style. We would go one at a time and return promptly. So, what was the secret? It’s simple. Respect. He modeled the behavior he expected from us. By respecting us – we, in turn, respected him. And by respecting him, we learned to respect others. So, with all the tricks in the bag, the foremost method of raising respectful and considerate children is by modelling the behaviour. Speak like you would like to be spoken to, when you say no to a child, provide a fair reason and remember to make sure they always know how much you care.

Written by: Corey Szwarcok, Dynamix Co-founder.


Dynamix: Team-building for Kids and Teens, since 2002.

Picture taken from Google Images, source: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEighjyhsuS6K81zUtjoG6LIx8XgQHCchvj7EZ0N8i-DAgTAkwuWLz9iwGhoUFAehYDw6g3f4nPu1NDlMpdIaawblxHaoY2Gu4sqOIyMyzCjsaXdRsHBf25P4ujwkDd0cqPaRNTNON8sPGjH/s320/parents.jpg

Making a Difference through Empathy

How do we educate our children about essential character traits that will help guide them to make good choices?  What traits are important to foster in our children?

I was reading through this list of “amazing kids who make a difference” and was thinking to myself, what is at the heart of these children’s kindness and giving spirit? What is a trait shared by these children that contributes to their ability to make a difference in the lives of others?

I realized that it is Empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else might feel; to put one’s self in “someone else’s shoes” and consider how another person is affected by their life circumstances and experiences. Empathy is essential. Empathy is at the foundation of qualities like kindness, respect, loyalty, and patience.

Many of the children in this list have seriously considered how someone else is feeling and, in turn, have taken action to improve the lives of others. Empathy can lead to taking initiative to help people; learning to be empathetic changes our behavior towards others. It’s important to teach kids how to be empathetic, but it’s also necessary to help kids realize that, once they understand how someone else might be feeling in a certain situation, they can actually make a difference and change those feelings through their own actions.

Children who have empathy are less likely to bully and more likely to intervene to stop bulling. It’s harder to hurt someone or standby and watch someone be hurt when we are tuning in to how they are feeling and how we would feel in a similar situation. 

It’s important to realize that empathy is a learned trait.

So, how do we teach our children to be empathetic?

1.      Don’t shush, discuss – In moments when children say or do things that could be hurtful to others, discuss the situation rather than simply telling them not to say or do those things. Discussing why their words or actions could be hurtful to others, a child can start to think about how another person might feel and how their actions contribute to those feelings.

2.      Model it  - If the adults in a child’s life model empathy, the child is far more likely to understand and acquire this trait. Talk through it and verbalize what you’re doing as you demonstrate empathy. For example, if you stop to help someone pick up coins that they have dropped while with a child, tell them afterward that you helped because the person may have been embarrassed or upset about dropping the coins, and helping that person to pick them up may have made them feel better.

3.      Praise it - Kids need to see themselves as capable of changing feelings, so when a child does something kind to another person, point it out and praise it! Make sure to be specific and mention the feelings involved. For example, “Annie looked really happy when you shared your toy with her. That was a very nice thing for you to do!”

4.      Ask questions – Asking a child to consider how someone else might be feeling is a good way to encourage empathy. Whether you are reading a story, watching tv, grocery shopping, or going for a walk, don’t be afraid to ask a kid how they think someone else might be feeling in a certain situation. For example, if you see a child being left out of a game, you could ask “how do you think this boy feels to be left out of the game?” or “how do you think it would feel to be left out of the game?”

Discussing situations where children are not being empathetic, praising children when they are, modeling empathy, and asking questions about feelings are all simple ways that we can foster the development of empathy in our children. If we are able to raise kids who have the ability to think about how someone else is feeling and in turn, treat that person with kindness and respect, we will have a whole generation of children who make a difference, in subtle and in big ways!

Written by: Shea Wood.

Dynamix: Team-Building for Kids and Teens, Since 2002.

Picture taken from Google Images: http://www.parenting.com/sites/parenting.com/files/imagecache/gallery_image/_images/201101/psy0211_koy_opener.jpg

How Social Media increases bullying

In this New York Times article, Emily Layden tells a story about her sixth grade brother’s friend posting a status on Facebook asking them to “LIKE if you hate” Emily’s brother. Shockingly, 57 people liked the status, confirming their “hatred” for Emily’s brother. Without a doubt, it would be incredibly damaging to a child’s self-esteem and self-worth to learn that 57 kids “hate” him or her.  As an adult, I couldn't imagine how this would affect me today.  Sometimes, it seems like it truly is “social warfare” out there for today’s youth, where social media is one of the strongest weapons in any potential enemy’s arsenal.

Does the boy who started this chain of “hate” for Emily’s brother grasp the extent of the harm he has caused? Do his 57 peers understand what that simple click of the mouse truly means? Could you imagine 57 children lining up at the cafeteria to tell one child they “hate” them? This would never happen, right?  Herein lies the power of social media messages, both positive and negative.  Simply put, it is so easy to spread the word, and as a result, bullying messages are spread at lightning speed.  In the cafeteria or classroom, a responsible adult usually takes notice and steps in. Alas, in the world of social media, it is quite difficult to take notice and step in before the damage is done.

So why are children so readily spreading these hate messages through social media?  Perhaps it’s the anonymity, perhaps it seems less harmful you can’t see the victim’s reaction or maybe it’s the freedom from adult supervision in the cyber world.

The question that has been asked over and over again by parents and educators is what do we do about this?  Should we simply ban the use of social media for our children?  Unfortunately, this is nothing more than a band-aid solution.  When addressing difficult situations like this we need to ask ourselves if  our “solution”  is really designed to teach our children, or does it just  make our  lives easier by making the problem go away. We need to seize every teachable moment we can, and cyberbullying is packed with teachable moments.  Below is a list of some things you can try to both prevent cyberbullying and address if it does occur:

Parents & Educators UNITE!
Note to parents: Cyberbullying is not only the teacher’s problem to deal with
Note to educators: Cyberbullying is not only the parent’s problem to deal with

Students UNITE!
Create connected school communities offline by helping your students get to know each other, unite as a team and foster positive relationships.  Students are less likely to act like a bully when they see each other as friends.  Even more powerful is the fact that other students are less likely to laugh with the bully, participate in the bullying, or stand idly by when they see the ‘victim’ as a friend.

Hold your children accountable for their decisions:
Whether online or offline, choices must be addressed and accompanied by consequences.  Notice here that we say “choices” not necessarily “bad choices”.  A good choice, like treating each other with respect should be accompanied by a good consequence.  Similarly, bad choices, like posting a negative online status a peer, should bring a negative consequence that creates an opportunity for learning.