Girls and Bullying

posted by Mitch Zeltzer

I read an article today that was all about Girls and Bullying.

The article asks the reader to consider: "is your daughter a mean girl?"
http://www.todaysparent.com/tweens-teens/tween-teen-bullying/is-your-daughter-a-mean-girl

It's an interesting article and even more interesting are the comments from the readers.

What do you think about this article's position and language??

Here were my comments to the article:

Wow... this article seems to have really struck a chord with a lot of people.  It's no surprise for such an important/controversial issue facing today's youth.
Firstly, I will say, that I really like some of Beverly's advice.  
One thing that really jumped out at me though was the irony of the article's title "Is your daughter a mean girl?" when you put it next to some of the most important advice in the article: "we have to be very careful that we are not labeling any child."
Yes, children can make some very poor and -at times- cruel choices.  And yes, some children make these types of choices more frequently than others might. But, these children are not "bad kids" or "mean girls", and if we label them as such, you can be sure a pattern will definitely emerge. Beverly is right in that it is  the adults role to help these children learn to make better choices, and one of the best ways is to nurture the great choices they are already making by acknowledging the good they already do and boosting their self-esteem and self-worth.  This WILL in the long run help them make better choices in the future.
Many of the commenters have voiced that they feel a punishment or consequence is appropriate if your child is making bully-like choices.  I would argue that there is ALWAYS a consequence to our actions.  Our role is to help our children see the consequences of our choices both good and bad.  This is where discussion, reflection, apologies, role-playing, etc. come into play.  The trick is to not focus on punishing our children, but rather on educating them and preparing them for the next time they are faced with a similar choice to make.
There is so much more that can be said about this, but I will leave it at that for now.
-Mitch

Bonus Game of the Month: Mystery Count

Purpose: To develop group cohesion, concentration and patience.

Materials: none!

Description:

• The goal of the game is as a group to count as high as possible.
• Have the group sit in a circle with heads down/ eyes closed. 
• There is no predetermined order, anyone may say a number at any time, as long as they follow the following rules:

• Only 1 voice may say a number
• The group must count in order without skipping any numbers

• Not an easy feat for any group, but it's amazing to see when the group slows down, is patient and begins getting a feel for each other how high you can count

Game of the Month: Tail Pull

Purpose: Illustrate the point of working towards a common goal

Materials: 1 "tail" per participant, evenly distribute tails of 5 different colours. (tail can be made of ribbon, socks, etc.)

Description:

• Sit everyone in a circle and evenly distribute 1 of 5 different colour tails to to the group 
• Have the participants tuck the end of the tail into the band of their pants leaving the rest hang down
• Tell players, "you each have a coloured tail" the game ends when there is exactly 1 person of every color left standing. 
• The group must try and pull out other peoples tails. Once your tail is pulled, you must sit out and can no longer pull out tails

Discussion / Reflection: 
As much as you may feel the need, do not help the group come up with a strategy to successfully finish this task. What you will likely see happen is a very chaotic every man for himself approach. However, without proper planning and teamwork, this challenge will be very difficult to accomplish.  This makes the debrief even more powerful when you ask questions like:

• Why did YOU want to be the one left standing?
• What prevented your group of thinking to get together with the people of the same color and everyone pulling your own tail out except for 1 person? 
• Why don't we think of working together? 
• What got in the way of our group achieving our common goal?

Kid's say the Darndest Things!

Sometimes we form such a great bond with a group that the adult-child lines get blurred; that's when magic happens!

Kindergarten girl: "Why do you always talk so loud?"


Dynamix Staff: "Because I'm so excited to come play with you guys every week!"


Kindergarten girl: "Well I am too, but you don't see me yelling"

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